Scheduled…or Spontaneous?

Our lives are full of overwhelming time constraints and the juggling of schedules. Some nights it’s a miracle that we even get dinner on the table in a timely manner after a full day of work, school, activities and so on. So where do you fit in time for your love life? If your answer is a maniacal laugh that makes your abs hurt like you’ve done a hundred crunches, we need to talk.

You have to make your relationship a priority. I know it feels like you’re doing one more thing for someone else, but let’s change your perspective. Giving love and affection to your man is a gift to yourself. Because it feels good when it’s reciprocated. And the easiest way to encourage your man to be loving and affectionate to you, is to be loving and affectionate to him. You see where I’m going with this.

Now, the real crux of the problem is how to fit it into your busy life. Some couples do great with a specified night of the week for one-on-one intimacy. Others thrive on spontaneity. Let’s break down the benefits of both approaches.

Scheduled Saturday Night

Or Tuesday, or Thursday, or whatever. The actual night makes no difference, only the promise from both of you that it’s “your” night. No scheduling book club or impromptu poker with the guys. The beauty of a scheduled night is the implied commitment to each other. You’re saying above all else, your partner is the most important person in the world on that exact night. Trade off who is going to plan the evening’s festivities or have a routine of dinner and dancing in the dark. Keep a collection of fun couples-oriented games that will encourage intimacy and tickle your funny bone. From a discrete deck of cards like the California Exotic Novelties Midnight Lovers card game   taking you a step further with each shuffle to a silly and sexy board game like the Ball and Chain Around the House  that orchestrates the “what” and “where” of your evening’s adventures, these games are perfect  for  exploring new ways to connect intimately on your dedicated night of passion.


Submit to Spontaneity

Planned sexy times got you down? Some couples need the anticipation of what’s to come to pique their interest. If you’re going to rely on spontaneous outbursts of affection, you first need to establish that both of you can enjoy the excitement of the unknown. If wondering gives you anxiety or leads to feelings of resentment, this is a big red flag and you should revert to Plan A: Having a plan. Otherwise, proceed.

Under this model, it’s still useful to have a collection of games, toys, and intimacy enhancers likes books or movies, but the rush of adrenaline when you steal away into the closet for a quick morning moment of passion will heighten your arousal and enjoyment. You’ll have a blast grabbing whatever strikes your fancy from your “tool box” on a moment’s notice.

No matter how you choose to employ your intimacy, the only thing that is truly important is that you continue to make your love and passion for each other a priority. Happy Playtime!

“The Bombshell Mommy” is written by Abigail Blank, romance author and mother of three. Frozen Heart and its sequel, Melted Tears, are published under her pen name: Annabelle Blume. Got a question about how to juggle it all and still be a Bombshell? Email Abigail at, connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter @Bombshell_Mommy and look for her on Pinterest.

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