How we communicate isn’t just verbal. This is never more evident than in the midst of a heated disagreement with your significant other. No matter what you call them – fights, blow ups, arguments or, my personal favorite, periods of adjustment – there’s a way to end them and there’s a way to solve them. And we, Bombshells, want solutions, not more problems.
Of course, we all know the rules of engagement. Fight fair, don’t play the blame game, be honest but be compassionate in your delivery, and so on. Here’s the thing though: Your voice may be saying one thing while your body language is giving a completely different vibe.
You know you’re not innocent of giving the blow off answer of “nothing” when something really truly is wrong. We’ve all done it and they all know we’re full of it when we say it. Not because it’s cliché but because our body language gives us away. Crossed arms, knotted brow and tapping fingers all say, “You’re screwed, buddy. Expect to sleep on the couch.”
But this body language isn’t just a traitorous tell in a game of war, it’s also a mental block to productive problem solving and healthy communication within a relationship. When your arms are locked across your body, you’re protecting yourself as well as completely closing yourself off to what the other person has to say.
Pointing your finger at your significant other, even without saying it, tells them you’re blaming them or accusing them of something. Turning your back or walking away, well, that one’s self explanatory isn’t it?
I want you all to try something for me. Next time you’re itching to take your man’s head off about something, sit on the couch together to talk it out. Hold his hand, hug him, or lay your head in his lap while you express your concern, frustration or anger. He’s more apt to listen to you without being defensive or standoff-ish. You’ll get to the heart of the matter more quickly without running circles around the real issue.
Because really, all of these negative forms of body language are tools to protect your vulnerability. Your marriage is the one place you should always allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Remember, what may be fair in war, is never fair in love.
“The Bombshell Mommy” is written by Abigail Blank, romance author and mother of three. Frozen Heart and its sequel, Melted Tears, are published under her pen name: Annabelle Blume. Got a question about how to juggle it all and still be a Bombshell? Email Abigail at firstname.lastname@example.org, connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter @Bombshell_Mommy and look for her on Pinterest.